to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
