I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize