New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
