"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
