First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
