There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
