You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
