Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
