Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
