Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
