I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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