I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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