if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
