I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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