I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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