At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
