Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
