Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
