do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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