he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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