My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
