he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
