I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
