Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
