Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
