It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
