take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
