All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
