Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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