I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
