I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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