The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
