I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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