On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
