pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
