I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
