Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
