Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize