I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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