real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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