If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize