so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
