I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
