I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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