I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
