I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
