So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
