Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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