2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
