I'm really into asian looking animals
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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