just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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