well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
