quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
