Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
