Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
