I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
