piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm like, not good at living.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
