i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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