My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
