Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
